The Artemis Fowl Show SPECIAL EDITION!
by Spectra16
Summary: Crazy. You aren't encouraged to read this . . . unless you hate Hillary Duff. I wrote this in a hurry to get something done. Flame me if you wish, but consider my Academy! I hate this story . . .


Artemis Fowl Show SPECIAL EDITION  
  
By Spectra16  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own *slams head on desk* Z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z . . .  
  
A/N: Sleep deprivation. I wrote this story so badly so don't diss it. I already know it sucks.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"EGG BRITNEY!" Spectra16 shouted. Artemis slapped his forehead.  
  
"Again? Why can't we just go to the zoo with Linkin Park again?" Artemis complained.  
  
"Hm . . . good idea."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"What are we doing here?" Brad asked. Spectra patted on him on the back.  
  
"Don't worry about it." The band members of Linkin Park looked around at their surroundings. There was a bunch of fairy looking people and then there was animals. Weird.  
  
"I LIKE CHICKEN!" Opal shouted.  
  
"Anyway, welcome to the Artemis Fowl Show Special Edition! We're hosting at the zoo! Along with the hottest stars!" A large Audience applauded. Spectra notes them to quiet down.  
  
"Are you happy?" Spectra16 asked Holly, whom is very rarely in my stories.  
  
"Sure. I'm just glad you're showing my credit by including me!" Holly said. Spectra patted her back and flipped Holly's chair over while Holly was in it. Holly fell backwards.  
  
"Today, we're going to have EION COLFER!" Artemis announced. Most of the Audience claps and "Woooo's". Holly gets up from the floor, not realizing why her chair had suddenly gone out.  
  
"And also, we'll be egging . . . no, not Britney Spears but . . .*drumrole* HILLARY DUFF! ! !" Spectra yells. The camera goes to a horrified picture of Hillary in a cage.  
  
"We all know we'd kill ourselves if she plays Holly for the movie!" Artemis says. Holly nods.  
  
"And our additional guests will be Ashton Kutcher(very few claps except for a few fan girls), Keanu Reeves(claps), Amy Lee from Evanescence(a lot of claps), Andy Hunter(silence), Freezepop(silence again), Nicole(lots of claps), Mari(lots of claps), David Letterman(claps), Conan O'Brien, and of course Eion Colfer. And featuring LINKIN PARK! ! !" Spectra announced. Audience claps for all of them.  
  
"First, what's the news?" Artemis asked. Holly looks at her notes.  
  
"Good question," Holly says, having some trouble with finding them.  
  
"IT'S COLD IN WISCONSIN! ! !" Spectra16 yells. [Artemis and Holly: O_o?]  
  
"Sorry," Spectra apologizes.  
  
"Um . . . that's a somewhat forecast. Do we have news?" Artemis asked.  
  
"Um . . . Eion has a contract for book four. So we know he's writing a fourth one for sure," Spectra said.  
  
"And for all you dumb people that really don't catch on too well with the other Artemis Fowl Shows, the Artemis Fowl movie is coming out in summer of 2004," Opal said. Spectra shivers from the cold.  
  
"Any other news?" Artemis asks.  
  
"My brother was robbed at school," Spectra16 announces. Everyone blinks.  
  
"Onto out first guest! EION COLFER!" Brad yells and Eion comes out into the stage area.  
  
"Hello," Artemis greets Eion.  
  
"Hi . . . ," Eion says freaked out, "Why am I here? The last thing I remember is a big, burly man coming at me with a club." Eion rubs his head. Butler polishes his club.  
  
"No matter. You're here. Please tell us everything we want to know about Artemis Fowl!" Holly demands.  
  
"Er . . . he has black hair?" Eion tries.  
  
"AAUN! WRONG ANSWER!" Holly yells and pulls a lever that makes Eion drop through the floor.  
  
"A A A A A A A A A A AH H H H H!" Eion screams.  
  
"NEXT!" Holly yells. Artemis and Spectra hold each other in fear.  
  
"Next guest is . . . Nicole, whom will be staying with us . . . hopefully," Artemis cowers behind his notes. Nicole comes out.  
  
"Come on Holly! We go back! I always put you up well in my stories!" Nicole pleads. Holly thinks.  
  
"Yeah. You're the nice author. I think I'll keep you!" Holly says and turns toward Spectra to make a slit throat gesture and points to her. Spectra gulps.  
  
"So, how have you been, Nicole?" Spectra asks. Artemis looks at her intently.  
  
"Okay. I changed my pen name to Bloody Dead Rose," Nicole says.  
  
"That's . . . nice," Spectra wonders at the name.  
  
"Anyway, next is Ashton Kutcher!" Artemis announces. Ashton comes out and some girls faint.  
  
"SUP EVERYONE?!" Ashton yells. Spectra grabs him by the shoulder and puts him down in his chair.  
  
"Sit."  
  
"What have I done?" Ashton asks.  
  
"YOU WERE BORN!" Spectra says sternly and binds Ashton to the chair.  
  
"What? Help! She's gonna rape me!" Ashton yells. Spectra snickers.  
  
"That would be dumb. I'm really going to . . . KILL YOU ! ! ! !" Spectra laughs evilly. Everyone except the fan girls start clapping and cheering.  
  
"E E E E E E E E E K K K K K! ! ! !" Ashton screams like a girlie. Spectra and Nicole get the industrial laser from Goldfinger and do the same that Goldfinger did to James Bond.  
  
"AH AH AH! E E E E EK K K K! Don't hurt me! ! ! MOMMY! ! !"Ashton pleaded.  
  
"Will you give your true identity?" Spectra asks.  
  
"NEVER!" Ashton yells back. Spectra16 makes the laser go faster,  
  
"OKAY OKAY!" Ashton yells. Nicole turns off the laser.  
  
"I'm . . . a murderer on the run," Ashton said calmly. Spectra16 starts up the laser because he didn't say all of it.  
  
"I KILLED JOHN RITTER BY MAKING IT LOOK LIKE HE HAD HEART PROBLEMS!" Ashton yelled. Spectra16 stopped the laser and yanked Ashton out of his binding.  
  
"I HATE YOU!" Holly, Nicole, and Spectra yell at the same time. Holly drops him into the floor.  
  
"Good. Next is Keanu Reeves," Artemis says. Butler has to drag Keanu out of the back stage.  
  
"HELP! HELP!" Keanu screams.  
  
"We're not going to torture you!" Holly says innocently. Keanu does the "sanctuary" sign with his fingers.  
  
"Poor Neo . . . ," Spectra16 strokes his head. Keanu gets up out of his seat and pulls the lever on himself.  
  
"Well, that was odd," Artemis stated.  
  
"Next guest . . . ," Spectra16 said, a little weary of the fact that her guests were dropping like flies.  
"OUR NEXT GUEST IS MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! HER NAME IS AMY LEE FROM THE BEST ROCK BAND EVER, EVANESCENCE! ! !" Artemis announced. Amy Lee comes out.  
  
"So, how's everything going?" Artemis asks. The audience goes nuts.  
  
"Good."  
  
"Neato."  
  
"SING, SING, SING!" Artemis claps and jumps up and down.  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Amy Lee sings.  
  
Artemis: -_- Spectra and her budget cuts. . .  
  
"BYE!" Amy Lee waves. Artemis pouts.  
  
"Next guests are ANDY HUNTER AND FREEZEPOP!" Audience remains silent.  
"HELLO!" Andy yells.  
  
"If ya'll didn't know, Andy is the greatest techno artist ever!" Holly announces.  
  
"And Freezepop has a song called "Manipulation" of which should be on the Artemis Fowl movie. Hopefully anyway. The song is very closely related to me!" Artemis said. David Letterman comes out of nowhere.  
  
"I WANNA BE LIKE JERRY SPRINGER!" David yells.  
  
Everyone: o_O  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"So, Andy, how did you career begin?" Holly asked.  
  
"It just did."  
  
"Great." Holly pulls the lever on the greatest techno artist ever. The band Freezpop goes in after him.  
  
FACEPALM  
  
"GREAT! WE'RE LOSING GUESTS!" The producer yells at Spectra.  
  
"Chill. We still have Mari and Conan!"  
  
"Conan can't make it!" The producer panics.  
  
"HELLO EVERYONE!" Mari (surrealallstar) announces.  
  
"YAY!" Root glomps Mari.  
  
"ACK!"  
  
"How do you like your part in the Artemis Fowl Fan Fic Academy?" Spectra asks.  
  
"It's meager but all right."  
  
"GREAT! Let's go to see the penguins and then EGG HILLARY!" Spectra announces. Dave from Linkin Park squeals like a girl, happy that they get to see penguins.  
  
"PENGUINS!" Dave yells. Brad spits.  
"GROSS!" Holly gasps. Brad pulls the lever on her.  
  
"YAY!" A random plant cries.  
  
"LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Hillary yells. Everyone has a few eggs.  
  
And then they egged Hillary. And all rejoiced. 


End file.
